Funny Girls of Fertility

Picture Perfect


This one is going to hurt a little bit y'all, but I think it's time.

Something I've realized more often than not is how embarrassed a lot of women are for having to go through fertility treatments.  I can't count how many people have told me they don't confide in anyone about what they are dealing with.  Seeing friends, family members, coworkers getting pregnant in a hot second knowing that they have struggled for a while is hard, but putting on a happy face like it doesn't bother you is even more of a challenge.

I've been one of those people to put on a happy face to keep up my picture perfect image.  I can tell you, I'm full of shit.  Someone I've grown very close to has taught me a lot about being vulnerable, and this is going to push me to my limits.  Here we go....

I was 21 when I graduated from Oklahoma State (Go Pokes), and got my first job in the oil industry.  I met someone at work who I ended up marrying a couple of years later.  I had this image in my head of just how my life was going to work out.  I thought everything was perfect; we were great friends (we still are friends), we traveled, we had fun.  My happily ever after came to a f'ing dead end when he became unfaithful.  The shame I felt was unfathomable.  I wanted to keep us in a bubble, I didn't want anyone to know what had happened.  I didn't want anyone to think he was a bad person (because he isn't, stupid 100%, but not a bad person).  I kept a happy face for a while even though I was suffering miserably on the inside.  I didn't want to be a failure, and I was ashamed that I couldn't make it work.  I was another dang statistic.  If you would have asked me 10 years ago if I would see myself where I am today I would 100% say, not a chance.  I wanted to be married once, and that one time was supposed to be forever.  Well you know what, life sure as hell doesn't work out exactly how you want.

Four years later here I am.  I'm different now then I was.  My exterior is a little tougher, but my insides are still all sensitive.  I open up much slower.  I am way more cautious than I use to be.  The positive is I'm not ashamed anymore (note that it took me about 3.5 years to get to this point).  I'm not afraid for people to know what happened to me or judge my situation.  People make mistakes, shit happens.  This was meant to happen to me for a reason that is way beyond me, and I'm okay.  I'm actually better than okay.  That nightmare that I went through got me to where I am today.  I can say I am genuinely happy.   I feel like I'm finally exactly where I'm supposed to be, and that is a pretty freaking amazing feeling.

Enough of my sob story and back to how this relates to what I see every day.  I know it's not fun putting your business out there, but it's also not fun faking the funk.  Trust me, I've gone back and forth about sharing what I've been through, but I grew a pair and did it.  Infertility is not anything to be ashamed of, it's not like you woke up and chose this life because no one in their right mind would go through that shit.  I guess my point is you never know who you could help by sharing your story, and for those of you who bravely put it out there, kudos to y'all.