"Sometimes we create our own heartbreak through expectation."
Life lesson 128,928 for me. Gosh dang it, life can disappoint you sometimes. I see this kind of disappointment (due to expectations) a lot in people dealing with infertility. Don't get me wrong I do shit rainbows 90% of the time. My expectations are extremely high because I think that's how it should be. Does that lead to a lot of disappointment for me? Hell to the yes.
The newbies to infertility set themselves up to be disappointed the most it seems. I think a lot of people go in thinking "this is going to work for me the first try." Great if it does, but that's not being terribly realistic (statistically speaking). I am the furthest thing from a realist, so I get it. I dream in Skittles, y'all. I'm one of those weirdos that think some dark hair, browned eyed dreamy guy is going to come sweep me off my feet. I'm going to live happily ever after while getting to play golf every day, travel the world, and eat an endless amount of red velvet bundt cakes without ever gaining an ounce (it's been a while since I've given a shout out to Nothin' Bundt Cakes). Are those realistic expectations? I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
We had a patient not too long ago that came in and wanted to try Clomid. Even though she was told what the odds of getting pregnant the first cycle was, I think it went in one ear and out the other. She believed that she was above the statistics and it was going to happen for her the first try. Well let me tell you, it didn't work and she was greatly disappointed. It was like someone kidnapped her puppy on Christmas. This was her FIRST go round with fertility treatment, and the lowest intervention at that. She called pretty angry wondering what the heck went wrong. The reason she was this disappointed and distraught was because she set her expectations too high.
I 100% can empathize with her because I am an eternal optimist. The last two days have royally kicked my optimistic ass. Life has not worked out as my brain has played it out. Not even close. I'm pissed off, I'm hurt, I'm sad. I'm all these things because I set my expectations too high to be met. If you've read my blog you know I've been disappointed before yet me and my unicorn just continue through life setting these unrealistic expectation, constantly crashing back down thanks to this little thing called gravity (aka real life).
Honestly, I think it’s great going into fertility treatments with a positive outlook, hoping for the best. What I don't think is great is ignoring the possibility that shit can go wrong. I personally know I need to find balance between my optimism and reality, setting my expectations at a place where I'm not settling but yet I'm also not going to end up ridiculously disappointed.