I read this quote the other day, "Second chances are only for those who are not afraid to try again." I love that. I think people are so afraid to be outside of their bubble, afraid to take a chance at something that scares them. Thats what life is about, the adventure, the inability to control exactly whats going to happen. Life isn't always easy, but if you never had failure or hard times the joyous times wouldn't be as enjoyable. Infertility journeys don't always have a happy ending the first time. I know how scary it is for my patients to start a cycle knowing that they could fail, but I appreciate the tenacity in all of them to keep on trying!
My lovely little patient went through stim and ended up with only a few embryos. She went through her first FET and decided to transfer two. She didn't take any at home test because she just didn't want to deal with the pressure of false positive or negatives! When she came in for her beta day she said to me, "I've waited for this moment my entire life, waiting the two weeks wasn't too challenging for me." Let me mention after she told me this I was pretty much a hot mess of emotion and nerves. It was up to me to deliver good or bad news to someone who has waited their ENTIRE life for this moment, no pressure y'all. I fortunately gave her the answer she had been waiting forever to hear. Her first scan came and everything looked great. My patient and her husband were about to go on a little vacation and were going to be gone for a week and a half. She was nervous about going, but we reassured her everything was going to be okay!
They went on vacation and then came back for their scan a couple of weeks later. They were so happy to be home from vacation, and able to see their baby on ultrasound. As soon as the doctor got the image on the screen I knew it was bad news. I couldn't even look up. I think they figured it out before we said anything... there was no heartbeat.
After they lost the baby, we watched her levels go down. She still had an embryo left, but was already talking about how one of her friends told her she would be a donor for her if she doesn't get pregnant. ((My patients really love to go to Plan B, before we even finish A!!!))
I told her not to get too ahead of ourselves, that she still had a second chance. She was ready to go for it. The three weeks to get her lining ready flew by. They came in for beta day and what does she tell me?? "I didn't take an at home test again." Seriously?!?!? Killing me smalls. Her last embryo, her last attempt. They sat at the counter asking me how long until I had their results...I told them probably about 30 minutes?!?! She tells me, "Don't worry Sharon, I prayed for you to give me good news. Its going to be good."
I stood by the machine patiently waiting for the result to come off, and by patiently I mean I was hitting the "Check results" button to see what time it was going to print off even though I had already checked it 100 times!
I was able to call her with more good news! I'm really surprised my blood pressure is as good as it is with some of my patients!
Obviously we are not out of the woods because she has gotten to this point before, but I'm happy for her now and hope that this second chances gives her a healthy, happy baby!