I just got done watching my brother and sister-in-law's adoption video for the 500th time. I love it. I love their kindness, their hearts, their passion to have a child, and just them overall. Really dang good people, and I am totally unbiased :) .
They were married over 5 years ago, and since then have been asked on the reg, "when are you going to have kids?" I know how annoyed my brother is by this question. He is kind of a smartass like myself (maybe not as much) but Im sure he wishes he could say "When it happens, Asshole." I can't quite remember how open they were about their fertility issues, but I know not a terrible amount of people knew ((I totally blew their cover now though *with permission*))
People can be insensitive in general, but especially to those dealing with infertility. I mean I don't think anyone should have to walk on eggshells when talking to their friends dealing with fertility issues, but maybe just be more cautious of their feelings?! For example... don't be a dick and talk about how annoyed you are of your kids or that you hate being pregnant because its uncomfortable. Those dealing with fertility issues do NOT want to hear that stuff!
Maybe if the general population were more informed on the topic it would be easier to discuss. Its so hush, hush that I think a lot of people aren't even aware of how to deal with the situation. Someone should write a book, "101 Things to NOT Say to Your Friends Dealing with Infertility." Top 5 things to NOT say....
- We got pregnant the first month we tried!
- When you stop thinking about it, it will totally happen for you.
- You can take my kids, and that may change your mind!
- Have you tried (insert random unsolicited advice?)
- You spent THAT much to have a kid?!?!
Recently I had a patient who didn't tell ANYONE that she was coming to our clinic, dealing with infertility was her secret life. Her husband wasn't 100% on board, her family had no idea she had fertility issues. She was new to the area, and just needed someone to talk through it with. I couldn't imagine dealing with all of that alone. I wish at the time I could have told her how supportive the TTC (Trying to Conceive) community is on social media, and led her to some helpful ladies that could empathize with her! I have yet to see one negative comment! What I do see is lots of love and support from ladies that most of the time haven't even met face to face.
Everyone deserves to have a support system; be it your spouse, family, friends or even sharing your story via a blog, Instagram, The Houston Chronicle...You get my point. Don't let the secretiveness that is infertility deafen your story. I have been personally touched and inspired by so many it just continues to increase my passion of raising awareness for something that means so much to me!