"We relive our worst moments over and over and over instead of letting them go, we pick at the emotional scabs and refuse to let the healing happen and the pain subside." - Jen Sincero
Ain't that the truth?! Why is it that it's so much easier to dwell on what is going/went wrong then to celebrate all that has gone right?
I have a patient who is a prime example of how NOT to relive the bad moments. She's had a rough go, and has been through countless IVF cycles. Due to her age and low AMH she never really had a great stimulation. Throughout all of her IVF cycles she had about 3 eggs make it to fertilization, and only one of those being a chromosomally normal embryo. She transferred the one normal embryo, and sadly it wasn't successful. I thought she was going to be completely defeated. I mean hell, I think I would have been. She knew her end goal was to get pregnant, and she was a determined one (girl after my own heart).
She decided to switch to donor egg, with a decent amount of embryos it was time for her first transfer. I had everything crossed that it was going to be successful the first go round. She came in on beta day, and told me that she didn't feel great about it, but didn't take any at home test. Unfortunately, this first transfer was negative. I was dreading calling her. I put her labs at the bottom of my pile because I just wasn't emotionally ready for that one. Little did I know when she left our office she went and bought an at home pregnancy test, so when I called her she knew the news wasn't good. Instead of being devastated like I thought she would be she said, "It's okay we will just transfer two next time."
The start of her second donor FET was nerve-racking. She made it to the transfer and it was a success! We aren't to the point to know if she is pregnant with a singleton or twins, but hey a positive beta is a DREAM that took us a long time to achieve!
Not once during treatment did she relive the bad moments, not once did she sit around feeling sorry for herself, not once did she complain to me that she couldn't do it anymore. What she did do was kept her eye on the prize with an attitude of an F'ing unicorn.
I can't compare anything in my life to what she has been through (and comparison is the thief of joy anyway), but I've had some real shit life moments. Everyone makes mistakes (I make a lot more than I like to admit, but I learn quickly from them), has moments of weakness, and dwells on shit that probably shouldn't get much thought. It's normal. What's not okay is to let it define you. Infertility is an ass kicker (hands down, I know), but you have to pull one of these unicorn moves and maintain the best attitude you possibly can because it will eat you alive if you let it.