Life can sometimes be a mother F’ing nightmare. I know, I’ve been there. Times where you think, “What the shit did I do to deserve all this bad coming my way?!”
I have a ton of patients who have lived this. The constant disappointment. Being disappointed by cost, their lack of insurance coverage, the wait time to get started, the crap IVF cycles, the failed FET cycles, miscarriages, some who have been through all of the above.
We have one patient (God bless her) she has been coming for FOREVER, and when I say forever I mean circa 1992 (sarcasm, we actually haven’t been open that long). When you open her chart she’s had about a bajillion and ten treatment cycles. I think she has had so many cycles that her insurance company has pretty much turned a blind eye because they know this lady means BUSINESS.
Some may wonder, “Why the heck does she keep going?” I don’t even know the answer to that. She’s a persistent one, and it seems no matter how many failed cycles she has had she still continues to act unfazed. Let me also mention this lady drives a hell of a way to come see us.
What I like about her (besides her tenacity) is the fact that she takes every day for what it is. She doesn’t come in and go, “Oh hell, one freaking egg. I quit.” She is more like, “Oh hey girl hey, my lining looks great, doesn’t it?!?” Every time she has to drive to our surgery center and nothing comes from her retrieval, she bounces back in with her next cycle ready to get going again.
Here I go relating this to my life in my own weird way. As I've mentioned previously my life has been somewhat challenging the last 4 years, maybe one day I'll be ballsy enough to explain more. Complicated might be a better way to describe it. Some days I would wake up and think that Karma was out to get me like, “Hide yo wife, Hide yo kids” kind of bad karma. For 3.5 years I kept a ton of stuff inside. Even though things weren’t the best, I always tried to see the silver lining, and know that I was doing what was right for me. I figured God was just testing what a badass I was (I obviously prevailed). A couple of months ago things just started going right for me. When I say right, I mean I won the freaking Powerball of life. Now when I look back at all the bad times, the times I couldn't sleep at night because I wondered how the heck I was even going to be able to deal with everything, I realize it was all leading me to this. Heck yeah it took a long time to get to this point, but I just have to thank Him for the struggles that brought me to where I am today.
I feel the same way about this patient. Some may see her situation as a freakin’ nightmare. Complicated as all get out. Who wants to go through that much disappointment? Continuing to put yourself in a situation that doesn’t give you the results you are dying for. I think she knows one day her time is going to come too, and if she doesn’t keep with it, she will never achieve her dream (she ain’t letting that happen, y’all).
This quote spoke to me in particular this week, so I'm going to end with this little gem. "Tenacity is the ability to hang on when letting go appears most attractive." The most challenging things in life are always going to be worth it in the end, and boy am I loving my current challenges.