Funny Girls of Fertility

Suppression is for the Birds

Sharon

Infertility is a big ball of suppression unless you are just one of those people who lets it all hang out (which isn't a lot of people).  I see a ton of patients suppressing their feelings because they feel alone or feel as though the people around them may not be able to empathize with what they are dealing with.

I draw what I write from random thoughts, what I'm currently feeling, or something I see on the interwebs.  This week I saw MULTIPLE post about holding back tears, and pretending to be okay.  I'm not okay with that (if you care about my opinion). 

I had a rough little go in December.  I didn't try to curtail my feelings or pretend like I didn't feel less than amazing. Those close to me know I was a hot mess (maybe still a partial hot mess), there was no hiding that.   I think we are all kind of in this mindset that if we act strong, if we are tough, if we don't let people see us at our lowest that we are fucking invincible.  Guess what, it ain't true (I know this from 31.5 years of experience before I embraced vulnerability).  I'm not saying that I think everyone should walk around like blubbering idiots having a pity party every 5 seconds, but I am saying that it's okay not being okay sometimes.  

Own your feelings when you are pissed off that your IVF cycle may not have gone your way.  If you are hating life because you just sold your left kidney to pay for your fertility treatment.  Embrace whatever you feel when the people around you are popping out babies every 10 seconds, and you can't see your silver lining.  

I've been told I suck at being vulnerable, but I'm working hard to get better at it each and every day.   I obviously put myself out there quite a bit.  It's scary writing my feelings for the world (or the 17 people that come to my website) to read, but I do it because I'm okay putting myself out there if it helps someone feel not so alone in the manure filled field they might be in right now.  

It doesn't make you weak or pathetic when you show real emotion. I think it shows strength more than anything.  I start to ramble when I'm passionate about something. I'm passionate about this, embrace your feelings instead of suppressing them. Don't hide and keep busy just to avoid feeling bad..it'll catch up with you eventually.