I'm a big believer in the fact that empathy can get you far in life. I couldn't really understand why some people within the infertility community (on social media) would get upset or "unfriend" someone when they saw others get pregnant, same goal everyone in the community is working towards. I mean I know misery loves company, but still. I'm 100% a cheerleader. I love watching others succeed, I've always been that way.... until now.
By no means do I downplay how much it hurts to deal with infertility, but I try to empathize in a way that I can pertaining to my own life. Here goes it...
My friend was going through a similar situation as I am (WOOHOO, I had someone to suffer with me, right?). She was in this weird transition phase of her relationship. You know that "I need space" period, which is where I am living right now (#Sharonpartyof1). Anyhow, it was nice to have someone to talk to so I didn't feel like I was completely alone during this waiting period. Her situation wasn't even close to mine though. He called her, text her, they spent time together. My phone.. mother F'ing radio silence, crickets, nada, zero.. get the point? My only company has been Netflix (on to season 4 of Sons of Anarchy, so got that going for me).
I never had these feelings of jealousy or envy over what others had, but it hit me and I wasn't a fan. It's not that I wasn't happy for her, but it hurt because I was still alone. The thought of "ummm why isn't this working out for me" was constantly on my mind. What the shit am I doing wrong?!?!
I talked myself off the ledge. I'm not her. My relationship is very different than hers. I was an angry little shrew for a minute. It's not my time for this to work (yet). Just like the people you see having babies, getting positive betas, hell they might have waited 7 or 8 years to get to that point.
Sometimes you just want to throw in the towel because you feel like it will NEVER be your time. Trust me, I feel like I'm going to end up a cat lady, and I don't even like cats. Terrifying.
We had this fun Infertility chat on Instagram that my friend Caroline (TrustingInDueTime) host on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of every month. The question I chose was, "what song gets you through tough times?" Not going to lie, there were a lot of songs mentioned that I had never heard of. This song called, "Thy Will" kept popping up so I decided to listen to it. It helped to remind me that my stuff will work out for me at the right time, even though right now it sucks some major cojones.
"Your plans are for me; goodness you have in store so thy will be done."
So a reminder (to really myself) is this, "Promise yourself today to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own." - Christian D. Larson
Because your time will come too, and you won't want to be celebrating alone. Here's to success in fertility, business, relationships, life, or just being a cat lady :)