This one is for you, Erin!
"Everything happens for a reason."
How many times have you heard this lovely platitude and thought "F off"?
If you keep up with my blog you know my less than desirable time started in December. You know how many times I heard, "Everything happens for a reason, Sharon"?? If I had $5 for every time I heard it I would have like a whopping $30, but still 6 times too many (math skills on point there, thanks Oklahoma State). Luckily, I've been working on my sass so I was able to catch myself from saying something smart (or using my middle finger) and just smile and move on when I had to hear it.
Do I think stuff happens for a reason? Yeah, of course I think there is a reason why things happen.
There is a reason why a FET didn't work. Maybe there was a little fluid in the lining?
There is a reason why you aren't getting pregnant naturally.
Maybe it's timing.
Maybe it's some crazy reason completely out of your control. (= ME. And yes, I am still being impatient.)
Or maybe the reason is greater than anything we can understand, but will understand eventually.
You can obviously find a reason why something happened in whatever situation you're dealing with.
What I do know is when someone is grieving a loss or going through challenging times, they sure as hell don't want to hear those 5 words even if it may be the truth.
In the world of infertility, you probably hear it constantly. Not being able to get pregnant naturally, a failed IVF, a cancelled FET, a miscarriage... I think it's hard for people who haven't gone through those situations to be able to articulate something they feel is enough to make you feel better, which is why you hear that mother F'ing saying. Here are some things I would rather hear;
- I'm sorry you are dealing with this tough situation.
- I can't imagine what you are going through, but I'm here for you
- (Crickets) because they are just freakin' listening
I know my friends that said, "Everything happens for a reason" didn't have bad intentions for me, but no one knows how I feel inside besides me. (*Side note - I also have amazing friends who have listened to me for 2 months (God bless y'all), offered amazingly positive words of comfort, and have been nothing short of angelic.*) I think when it comes down to it; if you don't understand what someone is dealing with, can't empathize, or lack compassion overall just lend an ear.