I went for a run the other day, and passed by a school that had a sign that displayed their character trait of the month, perseverance. It obviously struck something inside of me to finally write again.
I think if you chose a word best describing a character trait in women dealing with infertility, perseverance is the first word to pop into my head. I mean just look at the definition....
Perseverance: steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.
The amount of delays you see when dealing with infertility is about a mile long. Waiting for your period, taking birth control, having a cyst that delays your cycle, your insurance denying meds, not responding to the meds, the dreaded two week wait, the list goes on and on, right?
Infertility is difficult in general. First of all, no one in their right mind wants to deal with this shit. It's for the birds. Everyone wants that magical life where they do the nasty, and BOOM a baby appears. Not the difficulty of dealing with the side effects of hormonal meds, negative betas, financial issues, and ALL the unknown of when it's going to work out for you.
So let's lead this to my soap opera life because you knew I was going to go there. I have zero idea how it feels to personally deal with infertility, but I try to empathize in the only way I know how which is in relation to my own life. Here's a recap for the people who may have just jumped on reading my blog;
December was not my most favorite month. I had to part ways with someone who makes me laugh constantly, and challenged me more than anyone has in my 32 years of living. If you go back and read my blogs I'm sure they were super dramatic. I think at one point I compared my situation to knowing what Jack felt like when he lost whatever that chicks name was on the Titanic. ((I seriously make myself laugh more than y'all could possibly imagine.))
I'm in the same boat I've been in since December (still waiting). It's a lonely ass boat, but I'm a good mother F'ing Captain. I've learned to persevere when things aren't looking too terribly sunshiny for me. My medical mission trip to Haiti put everything in perspective for me, so I'm handling all my "problems" a little better than I previously did. I say "problems" loosely because trust me, I know my issues are small in the big scheme of things.
I've been through some difficult times in my life, and I always seem to come out stronger. Haiti is a great example. I went in thinking I was going to leave the first day because I was terrified of being kidnapped or dying in a car accident (their traffic fatalities are outrageous). But I lived, and the nights when I was sitting in the dark under my mosquito net with only my thoughts showed me that I'm actually tougher than I thought.
It is hard waiting to see if this relationship is going to work out for me in the end (and I know a lot of people would probably choose not to wait), but I'm not about filling the lonely void with something mediocre when I've already found the best.
This is the time when perseverance comes into play. You have to realize the end goal of what you are working towards. Obviously infertility has a few more obstacles, financial and physiological (kind of a big deal), but emotionally remember how important growing your family is to you. I think David Sarnoff said it the best, "The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success."