Funny Girls of Fertility

Ending to Begin


Well as the world knows, my relationship came to a rough end recently.  

In December we had taken a "break", but he told me he wanted me to wait because once he got his shit together (baby mama aka #Nachotwat) we would work everything out.  If you are an avid reader of my blog you know I truly did believe this, I would have waited however long it took.  I wanted it more than anything.  That's sad to admit knowing how this all ended, but it's the truth.  No matter how horrible he was to me (and trust me, he was horrible) I still wanted it to work.  He made me feel so unworthy, that sticking through this was my way of proving to him that I was way more badass than he gave me credit for.  

I'm into numerology and stuff that maybe not everyone is into.  Before I went to Kansas City I saw the number "999" everywhere.  I couldn't shake it.  I looked it up because obviously something was going on.  I read that 999 meant, "a certain aspect of your life is about to come to a close".  I started to pretend like I didn't see it, I was scared.  I didn't know what the shit was going to happen if this ended.   I went to every city Garth has toured in since July 2016 (which is a lot, my United points are impressive).  I couldn't imagine my life going from a busy travel schedule to NOTHING.  

Obviously, KC ended disastrously.  

My friends that know me well, know how tightly I hung onto this "relationship".  They probably thought I was nuts because they knew how shitty he was to me, yet I clung on like this guy was a damn gem.  "Make believe Mitch" was 1 in a million to me, real Mitch is a fucking dime a douche-al dozen.  Not sure if douche-al is a word, but I'm running with it.  

So here I was with nothing really planned for my future.  I had just lost this person who was a huge part of my life, and I didn't know what I was going to do (I was a lost soul).

Terrified of what my next step was, I got my shit together and everything started going right.  

Some of Mitch's ex-girlfriends (and friends) reached out to me to confirm they lived through the same exact manipulation and straight horribleness that I did. 

 #NachoTwat was a damn hit and a half.  

The boys started blowing my phone up like it always should have been blown up (kidding).

I became a member at an awesome golf course.

 I was accepted into the University of Texas for graduate school (Hello Nurse Practitioner).  This is an even bigger bonus because when I told Shit-bag that I was applying his response was super insecure, he wasn't happy that I was now going to have 3 college degrees and might be "too fancy" for him.  Boy bye.

What I realized is that every ending is really just a new beginning.  I didn't believe that when I was in the thick of it.  When I was SO down I couldn't see that I would eventually have a happy ending, in time things will work themselves out, and I would end up exactly where I'm meant to.

 Just like when dealing with the ups and downs of infertility.  When you get a negative beta or bad news, it may feel endless.   It's dark as all get out, and you can't see the f'ing light.  I've been there.  Trust me, it's scary not knowing which direction your life is going.  It's even scarier thinking that what you want most in life may not happen.  

When I let go of the direction I "thought" my life should go is when everything went right.  When you feel fucking HOPELESS, I mean to the point where you can't even enjoy jamming to The Biebs on a sunny day hopeless, know that it won't be like that forever. 

Life works out in funny ways.  I don't entirely know where I'm going to end up, but what I do know is I got out of a really bad situation, and I am genuinely happy now.  It's refreshing y'all.