Funny Girls of Fertility

Begin Again

Sharon

Like a dang Taylor Swift song..

One of the questions I dislike answering the most, "How long should I wait to try again?"  (After a failed FET, failed IVF cycle, or a miscarriage.)

First of all, there could be health reasons that could hinder your ability to jump right back in, a few examples; your HCG isn't to 0, your progesterone is high, your ovaries are still the size of basketballs.  Physiologically the answer can be easy, you need to wait until your body is ready.  Emotionally is a whole other ball game.

People in general are so quick to jump to the next thing.  My life example of course is going to be relationships because if you read my blog, you know I do NOT get a gold star in that area.

I knew after my #NachoTwat fiasco it was going to take me time to process the whirlwind of emotions I had dealt with over the last year.  I wasn't myself immediately after it all went to shit.  Slowly, I feel like I'm getting back there, but if I'm being totally honest I still think about him on the rare occasion.  Oddly, I don't harbor too many ill feelings toward Mitch, mostly because I'm a big believer in karma, and when that shit hits him it ain't gonna be pretty.  I never put a time frame on when I needed to fully heal from this, and I think just taking my time to get over it has helped me tremendously.  I don't feel the need to replace that empty feeling that accompanies the end of a relationship.  I learned to enjoy my "me time" more than I even did before.  I know when I'm ready to try again, hopefully with a non-musician douche, I'll be able to give 100% of myself.

I see women go through failed cycles, lose PGS normal embryos, you can tell they are still a hot fucking mess, but they jump right back in again.  They don't give themselves time to heal emotionally, and this shit is traumatic y'all.  I think a big part of why they jump back in is time.  In general people are scared to "waste" time because no one is getting younger, and it's scary not knowing when it will finally work out for you.  

One lady, for example, went through a horribly traumatic event.  She lost her child to a domestic violence incident.  She didn't inform anyone of what she had been through during her consult.  Some red flags started to pop up and we soon found out that she had just lost her child just 3 months before coming in for treatment.  Obviously this is an extreme example, but I still think grief is an important process that a lot of people tend to skip over.  ((*Side note: she didn't go through with treatment because she had to pass psych clearance.))

In no way am I saying that there is a set time table for grieving, I understand it's different for everyone.  Be it 2 days, 2 months, 2 years, everyone gets there on their own time, but I think it's important not to rush it.  I mean unless you're like 55 and have to get pregnant this second because well, legalities. :I 

A big part of the fertility game is emotional, and no matter if your body is ready or not, if your head ain't in the game my advice is don't do it.  I say the same thing to myself when I'm thinking of entertaining anything seriously.  I'm really just enjoying life (and cheese danish, Cheetohs, tacos, queso) and taking it day by day!