Funny Girls of Fertility

Being Different


How many times have you heard, "you're different now"?!

I saw someone post the other day on Instagram that they weren't invited to a recent family function because they were acting "different" and closed off.  The reason she was acting this way is because she had recently suffered through a miscarriage, and just wasn't up to faking the funk.  Instead of being supportive and understanding of a tough situation, her family decided to cut her out (at least momentarily).

You're for sure "different" when dealing with infertility.  You can become impatient wondering how long all this shit is going to continue on for.  You can become cold because you are tired of seeing everyone around you get pregnant, and you may not feel like being happy for them. You can become numb because you don't want to deal with the hurt that comes with every roadblock along the way of becoming pregnant.  You can see the positives of being "different" though as well; you may be impatient, but once you get to the goal you may realize you are actually more patient than you ever imagined.  You may have been a huge titty baby before infertility crying over a paper cut, when now you're Betty Badass injecting yourself with all sorts of meds. You may go through hell to get there, but once you do you'll realize how strong you actually are.

I know my big changes that have made me different have been through relationships.  My recent one, the lovely NachoTwat, was probably the roughest on me.  I'm not who I was before that relationship.  I'm harder now, I have walls bigger than the Great Wall of China up, I'm cold, and I trust less. I'm for sure happier than I was though.  I'm super focused on improving myself, currently going through graduate school to become a nurse practitioner.  I'm volunteering, putting myself in situations that I'm not terribly comfortable with.

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway

Where I was "broken" (relationships), I'm stronger now.  I value myself more than I ever have.  I know my worth, and I know my standards.  If it weren't for that little troll and his NachoTwat of a baby mama, I wouldn't be here.

For myself, I know that I can make it through whatever life is going to throw at me (although I hope it takes it easy until at least 2019 because I can't handle school plus random shit storms).  Try to see the sliver of light in the cracks of your life, one day it will all be perfectly pieced together.