Funny Girls of Fertility

Quitter, Quitter Chicken Dinner

Sharon
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Quitter, Quitter Chicken Dinner....That's the old saying, right?! I kid, I kid.

How many times have you wanted to quit something that is SUPER important to you?

Every. Damn. Day. is my answer.

Let me start by saying, I heard it a million times when I was working at the fertility clinic.  No one wanted to keep going after failed cycles.  They felt hopeless, drained, terrible, and didn't see an end to said terribleness. They wanted to throw in the towel so they didn't have to suffer through the ridiculous roller coaster that is infertility.  What kept almost all these couples going though?!  Their relentless drive to become parents. 

I for sure have been there.  Hell, I wanted to quit nursing school.  I wanted to quit my blog when I felt like I had zero emotions left in me. So far I haven't wanted to quit my graduate program, but I'm sure I'll feel broken eventually!  Relationships are really the thing that gets me though (if you haven't noticed the trend in my word vomit of honesty about my love life, sorry to all the men I have dated/or will be dating).  Relationships are hard (at least for me).  It takes work, balance, empathy, compassion, trust, honesty, humor, understanding, the list goes on.  Currently I got my MCM, and like the rest of my life, you know I had to pick a complicated one because Lord knows I don't do easy.  For me it's all about patience and sticking it through even when I have all my own self-doubt and insecurities bubbling up.  That's probably what is the hardest for me.  I have a lot of abandonment and trust issues thanks to my stellar upbringing, and I have to put in major effort to not bring those emotions into relationships.  WHY AM I ALWAYS SO HONEST?!?! It's a curse, really.  Any romantic relationship I start; I always want to quit.  I think being vulnerable, and truly trusting someone is terrifying to me.  It's like the Halsey song, "Bad at Love" says.... "I don't mean to frustrate, but I always make the same mistakes....I'm bad at love.. ooh ooh.. but you can't blame me for trying, you know I’d be lying saying you were the one, that could finally fix me, looking at my history."  My history is going into relationships not trusting, cutting out early so I don't get hurt. I guess I'm that quitter of a chicken dinner.

It's easy to want to quit something you feel overwhelmed with, unsure of, insecure about.  It's easy to say, "maybe this wasn't meant for me" and dip out when shit gets hard.  Maybe sometimes you're right to quit?!?!  One thing I have realized, at the school of hard knocks that I attended is this, you have ONE SINGLE LIFE.  ONE.  UNO.  SINGULAR. INSERT OTHER FORMS OF THE WORD ONE.  If you think down the road you can live without regretting your choice, go ahead, be a quitter.  But if there is even ONE tiny ounce of you that thinks, "I might regret this later" keep going until you have nothing left to give.  You'll know when you absolutely hit that rock bottom point.

"When you feel like quitting, think about why you started” I feel like a damn Beach Body coach (kidding, kind of).   I started school to become a nurse.  I started my blog to get out the ungodly amount of emotions I have in me.  I started graduate school to continue to give back to my community.  I started a relationship because I don't want to die an old lady, surrounded by cats, eating a bag of Doritos while watching reruns of Dr. Phil. ((My imagination is WILD, y'all.)) 

So, while some of y'all might be wanting to quit school or IVF or hell maybe even a relationship.  Truly dig deep, find your inner Bad and Boujee.  Make a pros and cons list.  Sleep on it.  Talk about it with someone that has more life experience than you.  Take a break. Run a mile.  Do some yoga.  Eat some queso. Drink a Tito's. Give yourself some time to process everything before you throw in the final towel.