Funny Girls of Fertility

Not So Secondary


Something I've never touched on is secondary infertility.  For those unaware that’s not being able to get pregnant after previously conceiving a child.  

I can understand how frustrating that must be.  Not only are you unable to conceive a second child, but you also have to hear, "You have one healthy child you should just appreciate that."  Well no shit, Sherlock.  Of course you appreciate the fact that you are a parent, but you still shouldn't be made to feel bad for feeling down about not being able to add on to your dream family. The feelings of frustration that come with knowing you've done it once, but how can you get there again.  When will it happen?  The impatience that comes with all these emotions.  

I get it, maybe not in the exact same way, but I've heard similar things relationship wise.  After Nacho everyone told me that I would recover, I would be okay, he was shitty anyway (and he was).  That's not the point though, I was scared I was never going to have that strong of feelings again. I thought (very naive of me) that he was the one person that could provoke that many feelings inside of me.  I had to hear it 23823048234 times that I would move on.  I did.  The first 6 or so months after, I wasn't really interested in talking to anyone.  The last thing I wanted to do was to be tied down to someone when I was a hot mess myself.  I knew I needed time to get back to my old self.  When I finally felt like the old me (but better) I knew I was okay to try again.  Being 33 it ain't easy putting yourself out there, and going from a crazy life of traveling to a "normal" life, I knew this "secondary love" was going to have to really light a fire inside of me.  I mean we shall see how it all works out, but for the time being I can say that I am happier than I ever was during my Garth life.  I do feel naive now thinking nothing could match those feelings because what I feel now exceeds that.  It feels so much more real and natural than that fake glamorous life (that I wasn't even really living).  I was brought back to the real world, where things are reciprocated, I'm appreciated and being with someone that actually shows interest in me, as opposed to my old life where I was pretty much a peasant taking care of a Z-list celebrity.  **Side note but a totally funny story... my friend took pictures of Mitch and I when we were traveling one time.  These pictures looked like paparazzi style pictures, they were funny (I thought).  When he found out about them, he lost his shit and thought we were going to sell them to TMZ or something.  Pretty sure TMZ has to know who you are to care about some random ass pictures of you.  Funny nonetheless** Back to my point... I was annoyed hearing that I would get back to that happy point again because at the time I wanted to wallow in my misery, feel bad for myself, have a pity party... and I totally did.  Not now though... I wake up happy, not only because I'm enjoying who I spend my free time with, but happy because it's more real than I ever imagined, and due to my shit experience I feel like I can appreciate my MCM even more. I'm probably about to be one of those girls that says he's not my MCM he's my Man Crush Errrrryday (that's what the Basics say, right?)

Back to secondary infertility, if you want to be pissed off and not be all sunshine and rainbows because you are currently unable to conceive your second child, that's okay.  Tell those people making you feel bad about it to eat a dick, and you can feel however you want (because you can).

 I hope those of you who are suffering through secondary infertility are able to expand your families this year.  I hope those of you who are starting over in relationships find a stronger love than you could have imagined.  I hope those who have a huge life change embrace it for what it is and enjoy the chaos that may come with it. 

The best gift in life is a second chance.