Funny Girls of Fertility

The Royal Douche Wedding


Everyone pour one out because this will be my last and final time to ever write about Nacho Twat.  In honor of the Royal Wedding.. this one is for you Mitchy-poo….

One year ago my heart (what I thought) was completely broken.  I experienced the most toxic mentally/verbally abusive relationship that I would not wish upon anyone.  Coming from my childhood you would think I would have been used to it, but this was a different level.  There were nights I went to sleep after the end of Nacho, and wondered how I was going to get through this much heartache.   I’m sure everyone has been there, so deep in your own misery, you’re not quite sure when you’ll escape it.   I cried every damn day for MONTHS.  If you think I’m being facetious, I’m not, tears EVERY DAMN DAY.  It hurt THAT bad. This weekend though, Mitch is marrying Nacho.  He is solidifying his love for someone he told me for a year that he couldn’t stand.  Even though I’m SO over him, and EXTREMELY grateful that that isn’t my life anymore, I still feel a tiny little ache.  The ache is not because I would EVER take that little fucker back because I wouldn’t.  Never, never, never, never, ever.  That 130lb of douchery can blow away with the breeze. The little ache I feel is more of a distrust of people.  Maybe the little ache was because I was played like a damn fool.  I can’t really explain it, but after that shit show of a relationship I had a slight distrust of people in general. It took me a long time to get to where I am now, and I still have moments where I question people’s motives.  I feel like today people have lost touch with genuine connections.  I haven’t.  I thought I had that with Mitch and it was something I appreciated, but it was very much one sided.


I guess my point of this royal douche wedding ramble is that whatever phase of life you’re in, maybe you are in a dark hole where you feel like you won’t escape.  Maybe you feel like you’ll never be content or even happy again.  I was totally there.  I wallowed in my own misery.  I honestly never thought I would be so happy to be rid of him, but everything really does work out exactly how it’s supposed to.  Let’s use some of the douche canoes own song lyrics for this Gandhi moment,

“Getting through the night ain’t quite as tough, that pain is letting up.”

It’s true.  Nights were always the hardest for me after it ended, I think it’s because that’s when all your thoughts come to haunt you.  Every night got a little bit easier for me.  Every day went by a little bit quicker.  I thought about him less and less, until I got to the point where I didn’t think about him at all. Now if he does pop up in my mind I think, “Thank God for the lessons.  Thank God that Mitch let me see my true value, and how deserving I am of good.  Thank God for taking that little bitch and throwing his scrawny ass back to Nashville and out of my life.” :)

I truly hope that he and Nacho live in an endless fountain of cheesy happiness.  I think everyone deserves to feel contentment in their heart, mine was never with him.  Happy wedding day, bitches!!